I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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