I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
