Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
