hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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