I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
