Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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