I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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