Non-Jews are for practice
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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