i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
