I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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