someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
