piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
