i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
