i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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