I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
