apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
