Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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