Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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