He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
