Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
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