can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
