Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
ttyl tear gas
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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