We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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