well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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