My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
