i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize