so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
