I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize