i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
