why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
