Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
