The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
