just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
