Im at strip club and am horny
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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