im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
