Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You ruined the universe
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
