I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
