so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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