he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
