I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize