I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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