yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
