Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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