I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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