its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
