either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
