I murdered the dance floor call the cops
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
