She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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