Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
