summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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