Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
