i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
