Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize