Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
