did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
