Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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