This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
