happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
