we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
