She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
