I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
