Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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