My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize