he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
