I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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