I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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