Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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