You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
