Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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