wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize