Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
