do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
