His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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