why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
