whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
