no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
