she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
