you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
