I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
