at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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