brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
