ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
