and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
