The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
