When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
