Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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