yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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