just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
