Only a mothe r could love this liver
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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