'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
