so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
