Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
