dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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