vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
