you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
