I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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