Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
