I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
