Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
