btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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